4.30.2011

Writing for Good

You know that "trick" where you cover a quarter with a piece of paper and use your pencil to shade over the paper until you have an engraving of the quarter? You start with a blank piece of paper and before you know it, a quarter reveals itself to you in a thicket of smeared graphite.

That's what writing (especially blogging) feels like for me. I say that I like to write/blog, but it feels more like a story or piece is already there, nearly living and breathing; I am a mere instrument that scratches graphite back and forth until its finally revealed.

However, I do not want to understate the feeling of uncovering a piece by equating it to creating a worthless facsimile of US tender. On the contrary, when a piece needs to be written, it needs to be written. It nags at me and impatiently sits at the fore of my brain and the tips of my fingers until it's let out to breathe and live independently.

This is why writing is so much a part of me -- I'm a a slave to it; I am possessed; I have no choice in the matter.

This being the case, I want to do something good with it. Rather than scream meaningless words that will only be carried away in the wind, I want my words to do the moving. I want to find a way to make them move others to tears, move others into action, move others to think critically about themselves, and move others to do good.

4.28.2011

Being OK with Silence/ Silence of the Sheep

I wonder if whoever suggested that self betterment includes learning to be at peace with silence was referring to not only silence between people and friends, but within yourself as well.

This thought occurred to me as I laid in my bed last night, reviewing the happenings of my day, weighing pros and cons of upcoming life decisions (some menial, others life-altering), and pretending to have a deep, philosophical conversation about the purpose of life, love, and relationships with an imaginary friend who bore no resemblance to any real person I know.

You know, the usual night routine. Somewhere between flossing and counting sheep.

I wonder if quieting some of my thoughts and worries (i.e., meditation) is better than ruminating to myself/with myself/by myself. Talking to myself can get pretty lonely. If ya'll haven't noticed, I am quite a talker. Unfortunately, talking to someone who isn't right there with you (more so figuratively rather than literally) can get pretty lonely, too. So. Does the answer lie in finding the right someone or in becoming comfortable with sorting out thoughts on my own?

Anyway. Until the final answer reveals itself to me, I shall continue putting my thoughts on paper...er, QWERTY keyboard. You are here for me, Blog. Thanks for that.

4.27.2011

The Perks of Being a 22-Year-Old

I thought I became an adult when I turned the legal age of 18. Then, I thought I became an adult when I turned the wise, non-teenage age of 20. One year later, I was told that I am only now finally an adult for being admitted into bars. Now, I am 22.

Now, at the age of 22, I receive teasing remarks from others about my young age on the daily. Somehow, conversations make their way to my being 22. What's up with that?! For example:
Scenario 1.
Me: "Oh, what a nice kitchen you have!"
Them: "April, have you never been in an apartment of someone over the age of 22?"

Scenario 2.
Me: "Hmm, decaf coffee, I'm not sure that I've ever had that before... I always tend to opt for caffeinated."
Them: "Let me guess, you are still in your college student mode of needing coffee all the time."

Scenario 3.
Me: (Posts on Facebook at 12 AM)
Them: "Staying up late on a school night?! You young'n."

**Answer Key: sc. 1. yes, I have; sc. 2. caffeine is my drug of choice; sc. 3. I don't have to go in to teach until 9:10am, so I can sleep by 1AM, still get 7.5 hours of sleep, and make it to class on time.

= = =

The following list is my defensive knee-jerk reactions to your haterade.

The Perks of Being a 22-Year-Old (5 total)
  • 8 more prime-of-my-life years
  • Only/1 whole year of experience of bar customer etiquette under my belt; I get to hang with the big boys, yet my n00b questions like, "what's a screwdriver?" and "what's the difference between a lager and an ale?" are still excused
  • My every misstep is attributed to my "naiveté" by 23-year-olds and older; my mistakes are viewed as"cute, albeit well-meaning"
  • Any somewhat meaningful observations I make cause others to see me as wise beyond my age (again, of 22)
= = =

Much love to my older friends & readers out there. You know I'm just playin with ya'll and that I take your teasing as a sign of affection. I shall hate on you back. And so it will be. For the rest of my life, probably.

4.26.2011

Water, Water, Everywhere

4/23: 10.1 mi (1 hr 40 min)

Took a swig of it at A
Stepped up my game at B to get myself closer to it sooner
I followed it from C-E
Surrounded myself by it at D
--here, the sound of it reminded me of long, hot showers, the kind of showers where I have to feign periodic "taking a shower" noises, like setting down a heavy bottle of shampoo, so that my roommates won't think I fell asleep or died in the shower --
Found a shaky dock called "Watergate"
Felt it start to come down at F
Stopped in for a drink of it at G
Became drenched by it shortly after as it fell harder from the sky
(incidentally, this happened at a street called "Ocean")
It made my shirt cling to me as I perspired at H
It inspired me to write this blog post at I
It's everywhere

4.25.2011

Paring Down

what do you do with a life that was made for two?
rearrange furniture to fill voids,
move in the bedroom floor space,
fill the open calendar,
rest in the spacious bed,
know that you'll do something, know that you'll grow into this life,
that doesn't seem to fit at the moment.
you'll become bigger,
and stronger,
you'll live for one:
you.

Easter



Sunshine
Spring
Celebration
Faith in God
Joy
Blessings
Love
Bittersweet endings
New beginnings

4.23.2011

Love Meets Praise


Some days, a student will say or do something that serves as a reminder to me that they are just kids -- antsy, energetic, social-minded, kids. Other days, a student will say something so profound, wise, and thought-provoking that I can't help but feel a spike of defensiveness when a non-educator friend makes such a heedless remark as "how does it feel to work with a bunch of hormonal kids who think they know everything?"

Today was only my second day on the job, technically, but I also like to think that I've spent a lifetime preparing for this. Teaching, that is.

The subject was chemistry for high school students. I was only in for tutoring, not even teaching, but I was still anxious. I thought of something one of my 9th grade students said to me yesterday:

Touch Sensitive

"You're smart.
You know about people and you like to think about how people connect with each other.
You know what's right.
You like to create things.
You love your family.
You love me
and I love you." -L
---

4.21.2011

Run Lake Merritt

4/18/11: 7 mi.
I thought I'd post this route because it's a nice 7-miler. Relatively flat with one gradual hill (up Linda) and a peaceful lap around the lake to balance out the traffic noise-filled other half of this route. It's also easy to remember because you stick to main roads.

4/20/11: 6.4 mi.

(2 laps around Lake Merritt)

Don't let anyone lie to you --the lake is not 3.5 mi., it's only 3.2.

Teacher Job Interviews: My Thoughts

Given that it is interview season for teachers, I find it necessary for my own improvement to reflect upon my most recent interview experience in order to ensure that I continue to have educational, if not positive, interview experiences in the near future.

1. Be in touch with your teaching philosophy.
Prior to your interview, reflect on why you are entering the teaching profession. Show your interviewer that you have an end goal in mind for your students and that you are constantly critiquing and refining your end goal. Knowing why you want to go into teaching takes care of so many different questions that they might throw at you: why do you want to teach for us? what are your strengths? tell us about your classroom culture (code word for classroom management tactics!).

This is a Love Note



Running in Oakland under the blue-black sky
Pounding pavement, running harder than ever
Venting into the wind about those which affect us most:
Teaching and issues of injustice
Talking politics while huffing and puffing
I pause only to look up into the rain, to feel it on my face
I vaguely consider removing more layers altogether to welcome the falling droplets
But I'm distracted by our intense conversation
And, of course, by the running.
After 30 minutes, you suggest that we call it a night, but I beg,
"Please... just 3 more miles?" And you say yes.

Thanks, Ms. Kwon, for tonight, for being my life coach, for feeding me, for teaching me how to cook, and, finally, for the fact that the day after I shared my blog URL with you, my numbers jumped to 30 hits in a day.

Photo Credit: oopsilon via Panoramio.

4.17.2011

Running in a Force Field

4/15/11: 6.3 mi


Until today, I haven't run since Sunday. That's the longest stretch that I've gone without running since I started training. I've been less motivated to run without an end goal in mind (i.e., no running events in the near future). Gotta get back into that rhythm.

Nevertheless, the break got me hurtin' for this run even more -- a craving which was delectably quenched, thankfully.

I'm starting to run on muscle memory, now. My focus points still remain, but I now feel 'em in my body rather than think 'em in my mind. Interestingly enough, despite the fact that my arms and legs are doin' their thang without my brain, I unknowingly picked up my pace from 12 min/mi to 10:30/mi today. I somehow got faster when I wasn't paying attention. Thanks, hills.

I didn't have much time to run today because I had plans right afterwards, but I really wanted to go out by the water even though I knew that would take more time than I could afford.

4.16.2011

"The Week After" ...PACT

I have all kinds of time on my hands now that PACT is over. I'm also a happier person in general.

I hope I pass.

Anyway, I run solo now, but I've been getting hit up by folks who want to start running and need a running buddy. Least I can do is pay it forward. Plus, I love the company! It gives me an excuse to talk to (or listen to) someone for an hour-ish straight.

= = =

4/7/11: 5.3 mi

I told my roomie that I would meet her at Ikea at the end of this run. I was a little nervous heading out to the shoreline... It was only my second time doing that run and my first time doing it solo. The trail itself seems so secluded and long-winded -- what if I get tired? Or thirsty? Or I need to go to the bathroom? Or... I don't know, it just seemed like such a big commitment to take on by myself.

4.13.2011

Serenity Prayer



Serenity prayer in a smaller nutshell: Accept this, change that, then get over it and move on with life.

= = =

A fine line separates blaming others when things go wrong from doing your best in a given situation and accepting that which is outside of your control.

I have not yet found that line, but I anticipate that it is, indeed, quite fine.

It's also difficult to accept that you are doing your best in a given situation when you expect more of yourself, especially when you expect more of yourself because others are depending on you.

Lastly... (unrelated)...I am in a current state of disequilibrium because the weather is so beautiful, summer is around the corner, yet my mind is in a state of chaos. As usual.

= = =

4.10.2011

Paper Clip Extraordinaire

In America, you are regarded as a genius/prodigy/Renaissance man (not even woman) if you are knowledgeable and/or skilled in the following arenas:
  • Jeopardy! and all other academic trivia games
  • world wars and battles
  • classical piano and chess
  • manifestos and books written in Old English, Latin, Ancient Chinese, Ancient Japanese...
  • the French language
  • golf, tennis, and baseball
Really, such a list should instead consist of:
  • the Spanish language
  • current political figures, their stances, and the effects of their decisions
  • guitar and Cranium
  • grassroots movements, human rights violations
  • nutrition, cooking
  • communication skills, social skills
  • religions from around the world
  • number sense
  • handy with tools, resourceful
  • compostables and recyclables
= = =

Yes, I am aware that my list is a product of my public school upbringing and living amongst liberal, hippie intellectuals.

4.08.2011

Job Hunt

I've been contacted by a couple teachers and principals whom I've worked with in the past with job offers "effective immediately". Not to toot my own horn, but uh...

I didn't know all of this at the time, but I'm glad that Past April made a point of getting to know many people in many different job positions and fields and keeping in contact with them. I'm glad that Past April tried jobs that she was not sure she'd be any good at or if she was truly interested in pursuing a career in the field. Finally, it is a relief that Past April haphazardly chose the discipline of science in which to teach because, hot damn, there are a lot of open science teacher positions out there.

...toot.



4.06.2011

Cedar Run

4/5/11: 4 mi.



My body hates me.

I thought I'd do a hill today. Today's 'uphill' was about the right amount of difficulty, so I'm happy about that (up Hearst a bit and then up Le Conte). I wandered around North Berkeley for a bit, not really knowing where to go or what to do next. I thought I'd head back down Cedar.

Bad idea.

Always, always run up Cedar. Never down. Always up.

Cedar turned out to be a very loooooong, gradual descent to West Berkeley. I had to cut my run short because my knees were in agony. Lesson learned.

4.05.2011

Run Journal


Oakland Running Festival 3/27/11: 13.1 mi
I promise to blog about this experience one day. Soon.

3/29/11: 4 mi.

Let's get bizzayy

It's SPRING BREAK.
I ought to be up to no good.

The worst thing that I did today was sleep for 11 hours which led to my morning coffee and noon coffee to be back to back.
And then I stayed in bed for hours and hours and hours and READ.

I am quite ready to stir up some trouble.
WHO'S WITH ME??


4.03.2011

Spring 2011 Book Report

 

= = =


The Box Man by Kobo Abe
...is a very strange book. I finished this book months ago, but I am still trying to process what happened. Something about men who decide to become box men -- men who live on the streets with large boxes pulled over their heads with eyeholes cut out. They live in isolation on the fringe of society. They are spectators. Just when you think you're starting to understand what's going on, the narrator throws you for a loop. I think the narrator was crazy, hallucinating, dreaming, schizophrenic, some kind of murderer, sadist, and -- most importantly -- voyeur.





As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who was Raised a Girl by John Colapinto
... is a non-fiction (technically categorized "Psychology/Science") about a person who, as a baby, underwent a botched circumcision procedure and lost his penis. Yes, his penis. The doctor was attempting to use a cauterizer instead of a scalpel (or whatever doctors usually use) to do the deed, but instead accidentally burned the penis. The baby's penis eventually fell off.


When the parents found out, they arrived at the idea of raising their child as a girl. To make things more interesting, this baby has an identical twin brother. This fact made the pair of particular interest to the scientific and even feminist community. Doctors and professionals (and society) did all they could to convince this little girl that she was indeed a girl -- therapy sessions, dresses, hormones, the whole shebang - but she just didn't feel right about it. In fact, she got into a lot of fights with boys at school, hated wearing dresses, peed standing up, and deep down felt that something was wrong. She got so depressed and threatened to kill herself if people didn't stop pressuring her to act more lady like.

In the end, "Brenda" -- who was baby "Bruce" -- became "David". Her parents finally came clean with her. He underwent surgery and... well, you read the book. I'll tell you now that he falls in love with a woman and the two of them get married, raise kids, and live happily ever after. It's a heartbreaking story that ends with a tone of hope and forgiveness. It also gets you thinking about the nurture vs. nature argument of gender and sexuality.



The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell ...is another non-fiction. Gladwell (author of The Dog, Blink, and Outliers, of which I've read the latter two) explores and attempts to explain the phenomenon of epidemics. In its 280 pages of vignettes and collection of research findings, the two most applicable and intriguing ideas that I am left with are: 1) messages must be sticky to spread like an epidemic and 2) messages must be transmitted to pockets, clusters, or communities of people in order for it to spread like an epidemic.

If I were to position myself within the book, I'd be 10% Salesman and 10% Maven (80% unidentified) because I love connecting people and I love sharing tips with friends. I always tend to think of myself as a shy person, but folks tell me that that isn't true. Truth is, I talk and talk and talk... I turn to the person sitting next to me at church, at community events, in airplanes, and in workshops and in classes and strike up conversation. I ask you what you do and what you love to do. I ask you what you hope to do. I think of who I know who can help you get to where you wanna go (in life) and who I know who could benefit from knowing you.

I say 10% of each though and not 100% of each because I tend to have a few very close friends rather than many friends and though I have many acquaintances, I'm not good at maintaining weak ties. I'm also only 10% Maven because I like to share with people what I know, but I don't know all that much. Haha. I don't do my research because I hate researching products and going back and forth between better prices, better deals, etc. etc. I'm in the boring middle of consumer America who will buy something if you tell me it works well and I see that everyone else is using it.

Some life lessons that I will take from the book: I will attend a few small details in my environment such as keeping my space clean, smiling at passerby strangers, and spending an extra minute each morning making a genuine personal connection with a colleague or classmate. Actions as small as these can ripple to larger tides of good deeds and good karma.



Alias Grace by Margaret Atwood
I have been picking up and putting down this book since January. It's an incredibly captivating read once you pass like page 50 and get used to the old time-y writing. It's a historical fiction that takes place in Canada and is story within a story. Atwood draws you into the story until you fall completely in love with the heroine who, by the way, is an alleged murderer.

To be honest, I'm only 273 pages into the story with 192 more pages to go. I can't wait! More to come once I'm done...