Help!

I feel like my head is stuck in the sand.

Friendship

...is a funny concept at this stage of life. How do you describe the people that you call friends?

-We have a shared history, and we haven't spoken in months, but she knows that I am there for her if she needs me
-I trust her
-He's always down to hang out, and it's always a great time
-He's always there to talk to me about the melodramas of a college student
-When we hang out, it's cool, but there is still an out-of-sight, out-of-mind thing going on
-We have a lot of shared interests. A lot. It's pretty ridiculous.
-I love her
-And him too

When I was young, I got into the habit of immediately labeling someone as my 'friend', even though we had just met that day. I think it came out of growing up in a military family and having to move around a bit. You were my friend if you:

-Welcomed me at recess or lunch
-Played basketball with me
-Partnered with me during classwork

In fact, from there stemmed a lot of the best friends that I have today.

And now, I use the term friend and best friend pretty interchangeably. Sometimes I feel that to not call my good friends 'best friend' would be to sell our relationship short.

So it goes. I'm a big talker (and listener, I hope). It almost doesn't matter if we have different interests, a different sense of humor, or different experiences... If I can talk for an hour straight with you, I immediately feel that 'best friend' closeness, and I only want to get closer.

So what's the problem? I argue that by today's standards, everyone is looking for a friend, a best friend, or a significant other. The lines aren't supposed to blur, the titles shouldn't overlap. Each role has its own specifications. People get uncomfortable when I interchange the meanings, afraid that I am getting too close for my own good. So what's the problem? It wasn't a problem, for me.

Until now. Maybe I'm buying into what society is teaching me is "right".

When it comes down to it, we all aren't looking for a 'friend', a 'best friend', or a 'significant other'. We're just looking for a human connection.

To my best friend: I am here for you because you need me. You may need me to step up to help you find the strength in yourself. You may need me to step back to allow you to use that strength. To my best friend: Thank you for listening to me, for holding me, without judgment. To my best friend: I miss you.

Maybe these words get tossed around too much for some, but I like it. To my best friend: I love you.

Growing Down?

As much as I pride myself in being my own woman, Miss Independent, strong, powerful, and usually pretty stubborn, recently I've noticed that I've taken a liking to being taken care of.

I almost don't like that I like that (if that makes any sense). I think that it's a new feeling because aside from my parents, I never really let anyone take care of me. I'm the Ate. I somehow found it endearing that the men in my life needed my TLC to make it through the day.

I think that I need to give people that benefit of having the same desire to take care of others in the way that I do. I didn't like it when anyone paid for me for lunch, but I always wanted to pay for others. Why didn't I ever turn the situation around?

Asking for help doesn't make me a weaker person. Letting someone take care of me when they offer isn't asking someone to go out of their way. Allowing for someone to lift me up doesn't put me below them, rather it brings me closer to them.

I guess what I'm trying to say is: Thank you.

I'm BACK.

So, I quit the Clog. Temporarily? Maybe. Either way, I know that I need to keep up with my writing somehow, so I will make it a point to write here more often. Or... somewhere. I definitely have too many blogs.

As if I ever have anything interesting to write about.

Right now, the hot topic of the night is: How can some guys prove to be such scum bags? And by "how", I mean... Why? HOW? What's the point of playing poor, innocent girls? To build up your poor, pathetic egos? UGH.

I got a job today. Looks like my obnoxiously loud voice and love for attention will finally be put to good use. Someone's going to pay me for such vanity?! Sweet.

Weird how I always find it so easy to stay up [when I'm not doing homework, that is] no matter how tired I am. It's kind of annoying, actually. I'm definitely going to pay for this tomorrow... and for the rest of the week, probably.

I'm so over school. I know I'm going to eat my words one day, but honestly... It's been almost three years. For some reason, that seems like a terribly long time to stay in one place. I need to travel or study abroad or something. It'd be kind of nice to move away. I wouldn't mind staying in the Bay Area for a little longer. In the meantime, I may need to settle for another room-remodeling...

I'm getting pretty impatient to grow up.