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When we think of the "have-nots", what don't they have? Family, love, work, a sense of purpose, food, clothes, shelter... all the important and basic necessities that allow life. Living.

I'm a "have". I am.

So what am I complaining about?

OK, not complaining, more-so analyzing. Is this crazy, endless schedule of tasks, activities, and homework life? In times that I'm not happy, does it point to the fact that this isn't life, or that I'm living too much?

Stress, physiologically speaking, is supposed to be a good thing. Granted, as with anything else in life, too much of it is harmful. I've said nothing profound.

But when is it too much? It was too much freshman year, when I was sad, frustrated, and anxious seemingly all the time. Right now.. it's less frequent, but it's cyclic. Talk about maximizing resources, I seem to be working with the belief that it's never enough until I'm breaking down.

And in between those times of mild breakdowns, I'm working. Is there much to be said about finding joy in working? Because I do, sometimes. My dad always said that if I find a job that I enjoy, then I'll never have to work a day in my life. Maybe. Maybe not. Whatever we decide to call these activities that fill my time, it still leaves me exhausted and depleted of... I don't know. Everything.

Is there much to be said about finding ways to work during what would-have-been down times? That I choose not to eat lunch and dinner with friends many times because I find it too necessary to finish some work while I take my meals?

Me: "I want to quit."
Him: "Quit what?"
Me: "Everything. I want to run away tomorrow morning, withdraw from school and drop out of every organization, and go somewhere where no one will rely on me for anything. I'm done."
Him: "You're work is appreciated. People are counting on you because they know that they can. If you need help, that's what I'm here for. That's why we're here for each other."

So, with that... He wiped away my tears, I took a shower, brushed my teeth... and got back to work... slept for 3.5 hours and, again, got back to work.

It never ends. And, I guess, if this is me living life to its fullest, it never will.

Twitter

I think that I will just update here periodically instead of Twitter.. because I'm at my computer anyway, and because the urge to Tweet is followed by inevitable twit-scroll through everyone's lives.

12:26 p.m.:

Beautiful day out.

Church was lovely.

"God knows what is in your heart." my first thought: 'Len, God knows you're in there, say hi!' ...cheesy, I know, I know..

I didn't follow the grape vine analogy too well. but MAD PROPS to the male Catholic feminists out there. Is it inappropriate to throw up snaps in church?

Special K & Coffee for lunch. Hella thrown from my morning routine.

Watched YouTube videos on the phone with my mom and talked about Twitter. I think that she wants to get one.

9:45 p.m.:

I owned every hour of my day -- not a minute was wasted. OK, that's not to say that each minute was spent writing, but it's better than two hours passing and thinking, "did I just look at photos on facebook for two hours?!"

...and OK, i went on twitter quite a bit. I'll try to stop.

I am also confident that I will own each of the next 18 hours. If I want to have a productive 4:00a.m., I will! If I want to sleep for only 30min, then so be it!

Onward!

11:13 p.m.:

I think my legs are undergoing muscle atrophy. and I'm bored-hungry again.

11:25 p.m.:

I'm averaging 2.2 new followers on Twitter per day... in reality though, I've received 6 in the past 24 hours. People -> Twitter : Moths -> flame : Me -> distractions

12:21 a.m.:

Paper frustrations have found their way to poor me. in the refined words of my man shaq: AAGGGHHH

Shower & grub to get refocused. Maybe coffee. Definitely not tea.

1:04 a.m.:

I thought I was going to get away this finals season without any of my dramatic changes (remodeling room, new piercing...) but, I lose. While taking my shower, I decided that I am getting a new hairstyle. Just like that. And so it will be. After this paper.

1:22 a.m.:

OK, this log is getting ridiculous. but "blog mobile" ?!?! Basically REAL twitter-blogging... even twitpic-blogging. forget you, facebook.

4:14 a.m.:

12 hours to go. Why do I insist on stretching this assignment? Also, I'm an idiot. We played "Lost Without You" for PCN last year.

8:30 a.m.:

9:09 a.m.:

I think I'm going to meet @gabebondoc one day. Like, I'm pretty sure I will. Also, finally ironing out the finer details of essay #3. A+, f'sho!

9:50 a.m.:

Forget you, Pandora. You were supposed to serenade me with at least one million songs of similar rhythm, style, or genre -- if I wanted to hear periodic intervals of the same songs on 3-peat, I would have listened to KyXy (aka KOIT, for you Bay Area speakers. pun intended.)

12:01 p.m. :

2:35 p.m.:

DONE. Save. Print.

Time

I try to stay positive in my day-to-day everythings, and I generally succeed. Let me just preface this second consecutive, negative blog post with the explanation that writing is my outlet to frustrations of all sorts.

That being said.

People who disrespect others' time = fail at life.

I'm tired of getting stood up, of waiting on others, and of being forced to rearrange my schedule (and thus the schedules of others who count on me). I understand the value of time, which is all well and good, until my time is at the mercy of another.

To those of you who have been late, canceled plans last minute, or just never bothered to show up, think of the consequence of your actions on the rest of us, please.

We're hungry from waiting for you. We're waiting in the rain. We live far from home and can't be out too late. We have other appointments to attend to. We arranged our schedule around the time when you promised that you would be free. We were forced to cancel other plans to make this meeting with you.

The possibilities - or probabilities - don't end.

I'm the kind of person that seizes control of any situation at hand. The fact that these inconveniences (to put it lightly) keep coming up tells me that I need to start taking control.

My Options:

1. Make it clear to people that I have somewhere to be afterwards, and that the meeting needs to be over by a certain time. Hopefully, this will make it obvious to them that they need to arrive on time.
2. Always bring work to do so that even if I end up having to wait or getting stood up, I can make the most of my idle time.
3. If they are late by an unreasonable amount of time, leave and go on with my schedule.
4. Lead by example.