Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts

5.29.2011

5-Year Plan

2011-2013: Teach 8th grade science in (preferably) Oakland or (if that doesn't work out) West Contra Costa or (maybe even) San Francisco. Get BTSA stuff outta the way. Knock down 2 years out of my 4-year commitment for the TEACH grant. Maybe even get an APLE grant. (*crossing fingers*). Complete my Master's at Mills. Visit the Philippines and surrounding countries

2013-2015: Teach and live in NYC with Laelena. Complete 4-year TEACH grant commitment (celebrate). Rub elbows with public education progressives. Spend at least one summer volunteering (or getting paid) in another country.

2015-2016: Teach and live near D.C. Get National Board Certification. Meet Obama (Obama '12, whoo!). Reevaluate life. Celebrate 28th birthday. Look into PhD/EdD programs.

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Just gotta set this in blog-stone before I chicken out or -- worse -- get too settled in one place.

As I write this, I start to wonder if I should give myself a 2-year grace period for each stepping stone. Then I realize -- duh, April! The whole point of setting this in blog-stone is so I don't make excuses for myself!

Step 1: Do it.
Step 2: Figure it out.
Step 3: Be happy that I did it.

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11.14.2009

Untitled

When we think of the "have-nots", what don't they have? Family, love, work, a sense of purpose, food, clothes, shelter... all the important and basic necessities that allow life. Living.

I'm a "have". I am.

So what am I complaining about?

OK, not complaining, more-so analyzing. Is this crazy, endless schedule of tasks, activities, and homework life? In times that I'm not happy, does it point to the fact that this isn't life, or that I'm living too much?

Stress, physiologically speaking, is supposed to be a good thing. Granted, as with anything else in life, too much of it is harmful. I've said nothing profound.

But when is it too much? It was too much freshman year, when I was sad, frustrated, and anxious seemingly all the time. Right now.. it's less frequent, but it's cyclic. Talk about maximizing resources, I seem to be working with the belief that it's never enough until I'm breaking down.

And in between those times of mild breakdowns, I'm working. Is there much to be said about finding joy in working? Because I do, sometimes. My dad always said that if I find a job that I enjoy, then I'll never have to work a day in my life. Maybe. Maybe not. Whatever we decide to call these activities that fill my time, it still leaves me exhausted and depleted of... I don't know. Everything.

Is there much to be said about finding ways to work during what would-have-been down times? That I choose not to eat lunch and dinner with friends many times because I find it too necessary to finish some work while I take my meals?

Me: "I want to quit."
Him: "Quit what?"
Me: "Everything. I want to run away tomorrow morning, withdraw from school and drop out of every organization, and go somewhere where no one will rely on me for anything. I'm done."
Him: "You're work is appreciated. People are counting on you because they know that they can. If you need help, that's what I'm here for. That's why we're here for each other."

So, with that... He wiped away my tears, I took a shower, brushed my teeth... and got back to work... slept for 3.5 hours and, again, got back to work.

It never ends. And, I guess, if this is me living life to its fullest, it never will.

6.06.2009

Stella

Storytellers have all the best lives. This is the life of Storyteller Stella.

Stella is a very optimistic person. She knows that any bout of bad luck is only the rising action, or maybe the climax, and that some ounce of good will inevitably follow.

Stella searches for meaning in her life because what's a good story without a moral? Consequentially, Stella reflects on every moment of her life and makes connections with the places she visits and the people she meets.

At that, Stella is always meeting people. A good story has a collection of complex characters and your more basic archetypes. She is close with her friends and family because she needs good supporting actors. Wherever she goes, Stella befriends the least likely of people in the hopes of finding noteworthy cameos.

= = =

OK, real talk. Lenny and I have an ongoing joke that my life is a movie (MLIAM). Others would probably look at the events of my life and call it nothing but a series of coincidences and consequences, but hey, I like to have my fun.

For example:

Sometimes I feel like my world is becoming so small. It's like, I know that there are 6 billion people in the world, and counting, but my life starts feeling moviesque when it seems like I know all the characters in this story. Everyone I meet, I meet for a reason. Many characters appear and reappear. Nothing is random.

-During my last day in San Diego, I ran into/spoke with every boy I have ever dated. None of us had seen or heard from each other in years, and yet there he was in the parking lot of Rubio's. Or there he was, working the kitchen at L&L. Or there he was, somewhere out there, texting me for the first time in months. It felt like all the spaced out moments in my life time were smushed together so closely that I was able to really see where I've come from and what I went through to get me here, at this very moment. I used to be a quiet, little 8th grader. I became a friendly, wide-eyed 9th grader. I grew into a critical, do-good teenager. And now? I don't know, but I'm with Lenny now. OK, I'll reflect on neo-me later.

-After hearing about Navid, Lenny's roommate, I spent much time reflecting on the purpose of life, the legacies that we leave, and what our loved ones do without us once we are gone. Later, I attended the math graduation of a good friend of mine, and Navid was recognized there. Turns out he was about to graduate in that department. His brother wore his gown for him and accepted his diploma. What were the odds that of all the commencements I'd attend, Navid would be recognized at that one? Why do coincidences like these happen? Of all the graduates, faculty, and family members here, there were probably only a select few that knew who the speaker was talking about when he recognize Navid, but I was one of them. Me. Why me? I was moved in this moment, touched to be able to share in this sacred moment with his family whom I've never met.

-Yesterday, I missed the train by a split second. Not literally, but almost literally. I missed it with just enough time for me to wonder if I was meant to miss that train. I wondered if I was meant to have to return home to retrieve a forgotten item, or meant to hesitate before descending the stairwell to the BART station, or meant to pause to listen to the new street performer at the base of the station escalator. Thirteen minutes until the next train was to arrive. What an odd number. I can't decide if I like that number or if I hate it. It comes up in my life more than you would think. At that moment, I couldn't decide if it was good or bad that I just missed that train, but if my life were a movie, it'd be a good thing. Sure enough, as I sat on the cement bench (tweeting about my life, of course), some guy appeared before me - without looking up, I knew that whoever he was, he wanted to sit down next to me. I picked up my bag from next to me in haste, not wanting to appear rude. He sat down. "Whoa, hey! What are you doing here?" It turned out that it was a guy that I had met just earlier this week. We forgot each others' names, but we weren't too embarrassed to admit it. We re-introduced ourselves. John. April. April. John. OK, I think we've got it. By chance (or fate), he was waiting for the same train, traveling to the stop just before mine. We talked and talked for the entire 30 minutes. And you know what? It was just what I needed. Earlier that day, I had looked for a friend, any friend, to make this trip down with me because I didn't want to be lonely and couldn't find one. Yet somehow, I was provided with company.


= = =

As always, this story is To Be Continued.

= = =
Based on a conversation with David K.

4.28.2009

Ever After

...happily and romantically, I'm sure of it.

Do you ever play and replay love stories in your head of times that happened, that will never happen, that you wish never happened, and that just may still have a chance of happening?

I have... I still do. In those instances, I'm sometimes met by nostalgia, longing, confusion, guilt, and even butterflies.

It's fun to play with the what-if(s) and reply the what-did(s); for me, I'm able to learn more about myself, how I've changed, and what I'm looking for in a SO.

Also, it fills me with the satisfaction that everything happens for a reason, the gratification that comes from knowing that once in a while, the stars do align in my favor, and the faith that sounds like: 'hey, if things have worked out this well so far, why not have a happily-ever-after?'

Yes, I am convinced that my life is one epic love story.




quotable:
A: "...smiling makes me really happy..."
L: "Your smile makes me happy."